After opening up a “Walletman Contest”, Luis Booth gave me details on an awesome new class I could take on: Beastrider!

I think this could work..

All you need is a beast to ride, and you can just sit back and let it do all the work. Finding beasts is easy – my hometown is crawling with ‘em! Plus if I could get a sweet dinosaur from those ugly trolls, I’d be tearing up face in no time.

Okay, ignore the bad coordination

So maybe getting on the beast is harder than I thought. I’m not really known for my coordination…usually, brute strength is enough. But coordination is the name of the game when you’re leaping onto the back of a moving animal.

I could try it side-saddle

Sitting down on them is a lot easier than getting on them all the way. Then I could ride side-saddle…like a girl…okay, it is a good idea, but I don’t think I have the smarts to implement this. Better go talk to the master of animals.

Hey cook, listen to this idea!

A butcher should know a lot about animals, right? So I laid out Booth’s plan. It’s a good plan, but I don’t think he took me seriously.

Blah blah, boars are for meat

“Walletman, I know animals are good for one thing – eatin’! Don’t say you’ve gone vegetarian on me now…” Will no one hear me out? I think this is the best idea that’s ever come across my desk. My mental desk. It’s pretty much like my head, but I imagine there’s some hot lady sitting at the desk doing paperwork. Mental paperwork.

I'm heading home!

Hopefully no one will remember that I left. I’d hate to have to explain that. I mean, I’m not really giving up. I just have to train…to get better at punching/kicking so I’ll be able to take on whatever the trolls throw at me next. Oh, and directions. I have to remember to get better at following directions.

Orc ladies...a sight for sore eyes

This fem’ remembers me, I think. Hmm..probably not, though I think she’s impressed with my rugged manpowered strengthliness. I doubt the lady on the other side can see my body too well, so I get why she’s not running over here. That’s okay hotties, I’ll come back here when I’m done beefing up.

No time to compare biceps! I gotta run

Seriously, the guards here are always about the tough attitude..always sauntering around like they own the place. No way. If anyone attacked, I could take them on.

Okay, maybe not now, but later. Sometime when I’m combat-ready. That’s like any day now.

Time to get my job back

Gornek here will hook me up with work. I know, I know, he looks pretty frustrated. I can hear him now: “Guh, Walletman. I told you to go blah blah blah, and you never came back! Go finish blah blah and I’ll reward you greatly!”

Seriously...I was almost done?

Ridiculous. Why didn’t I finish this before? All I needed to do was massacre two more deadly scorpions and rip their poisonous tails from their bodies? Sounds like a piece of cake! Looks like Walletman has his work cut out for him. And by him I mean me. Don’t worry, Gornek! I’ll safe-n the place up for you and your delicate nature.

This guy looks pretty desperate!

You’re probably wondering why desperate is so important. Well, I doubt my hatred of gross nasty trolls has gone unnoticed. And so I don’t have to be on my best behavior, I should really only help the ones who can’t get anyone else.

Man, he won't even look at me

Guess I was wrong…even the really pathetic trolls won’t even make eye contact with me. Eye contact is like number one in my book. It’s how you get the ladies to fawn over you as though you were a baby fawn. Hah! Seriously though, I’ve been told deer have some huge eyes. The bigger the better! If they’re gigantic it’s hard to tell what they’re not looking at. Well, if your back is turned it doesn’t matter how gigantic your eyes are. This message is pretty clear…he doesn’t want my help. Whatever, I’ll help him anyway.

Where is it?

So he wants me to find some camps and kill their leaders. For a guy who’s squatting on the ground, he sure has a laundry list of demands. I think he wants me to off three bad dudes. Not like I’m complaining…bring on the challenges! But he looks hurt; I’d ask for bandages and rum if I were him.

Hm…well, I was going to off the toughest dudes this side of the troll camp, but…hm…

Where are these “camps”? Did I hear him right? Maybe I’m all turned around here.

Nope, no threats in sight. Geeze, this “helping” thing is a lot more confusing than I was expecting. Better go tell him the bad news, I guess.

He wasn't thrilled that I failed him

More cold shoulder from the cold shoulder dealership. This is what I get for trying to help out a fellow squatter in need…makes me frustrated. I’ll go vent on some of the wildlife. With my club! Har har!

I can't even do fightin' right..

Talk about emasculating! Here I am getting my confidence handed to me by some of the lame critters walking around, and this troll lady comes to my rescue. Uh, no! I didn’t come here to troll town just to get disrespected by everyone. I can fight my own fights, thank you very much. Even if I do lose them…dang…I might have to head back home and train…train like I’ve never trained before…

I'm back, baby!

That’s right! After my intensive death/near-death experience, I’ve finally gotten over those terrifying feelings of inadequacy and physical danger…and am ready to save the world again.

If you’re worried about me, you shouldn’t be. Us orcs bounce back quickly after horrible experiences. One time, I accidentally cut off all my hair and it grew back in a few days! It wasn’t really an accident at the time, but it wasn’t as distinguished a look as I was going for.

The struggle of life: What do I do now?

I killed a few scorpids and got a nice photo of the aftermath. That basically finishes off my to-do list. So…hmm…

Oh, I did hear some hippie trolls talking about confronting fear to conquer it. I know that through my powers and the few months that I sat and stared at the ground, I’ve already conquered my fears. But there’s nothing wrong with going back to the place where my soul was ripped from the heavens and stuffed back on this world as it was heading into the afterlife. Let’s go!

I might want to reconsider...

That place looks like a bizarro version of my hometown. Look at all those squat flopsy trees. I hope it isn’t infested with…

TROLLS!

Oh no, what have I done? That’s what I get for following hippie advice…now I have to walk around a bunch of sweaty dorky trolls.

Everyone wants something from me

Look at them all. Out of this totally random sample, half the trolls in this picture want me to do something for them. “Walletman, take out the trash!” “Walletman, I have some roaches that need squashing.” “Walletman, can you flex for me?” NO! NO! NO! This place is a nightmare, a fevered dream by the mother of uncomfortable scenarios and awkward get-togethers.

Whoa...dinosaurs...

Okay, nevermind all that. There are DINOSAURS here! And they’re loaded up with all sorts of gear. A rope around the mouth, a comfortable place to sit…are those really…for my personal enjoyment? I always imagined riding around in the comfort of my own raptor killing machine. And now my dream can come true! Maybe sweaty trolls have a purpose in life after all.

Sign me up, Zjolnir! Wait, what?

Yeah, Zjolnir pooped on my dream of owning a dinosaur. Yeah, that’s what trolls are good for. “Your dreams are worthless, Walletman. Go find some dumb not-raptor animal to ride around on.” Okay, Zjolnir, you just lost yourself a customer. I was ready to pay you two ruined pelts and a scorpid stinger, but I guess you don’t want that sweet payday.

My angry dance

No one was impressed by my angry dance. I’m surprised, that usually works when I don’t get my way…guess these guys are less easily convinced than my mom.

This blog will be updating Wednedays and Saturdays starting Saturday, October 3rd.

If you’re interested in working on this project (or any related Warcraft fan projects), post a comment and I’ll get in contact with you. Happy questing!

Hey, two at once isn't fair!

I’m a little worried now! My healing properties aren’t enough to keep up with the ferocious slashing of these bug-beasts. Uggh I don’t feel so good…

Is this it for me? Is this my last adventure? My life is flashing before my eyes. Nap…nap…fight…flirt…rejected…mope…nap…

I'm dying!

I feel the spirit leaving my body! Ack! And if not now, then in six minutes. Hey ghostly box, where were you when I was getting beat up just then? It would’ve been a fair fight! I’d club them with my manly club, and you’d slice them from behind with your sharp edges. But WHATEVER. I guess I’ll go see what the afterlife is like for ol’ Walletman.

The afterlife - what a terrible place

NOT GOOD. This is the most horrible place I could imagine…and now all my nightmares are coming true! What sort of buildings are these? Why does everything look blue and other kinds of blue? These buildings look like…

No…I must be in troll heaven. Yuck! That’s orc hell for me! Well, that’s what I get for helping trolls. The ghost box must’ve gotten mixed up and figured I wanted to hang out with trolls for the rest of my afterlife. Forget that noise, I’m getting out of here.

Hey there, pretty lady. Is that your pile of skulls?

Well now this isn’t so bad. Check out this hot chick. She’s flying around, probably waiting for me. I would talk to her, but I don’t have as much charisma without a physical body. How can I flex if I’m a ghost?

Huh, she’s collected a nice little pile of skulls. Probably orc skulls too, judging from the size and sheer awesomeness of the skulls. Hey, is she going to steal the skull from my dead body? That’s messed up, lady. I was going to ask you out…but not anymore. Just forget about it.

My out-of-body experience. That scorpid's coming back for more

There I am! I look so pale and lifeless. My friends wouldn’t know I was dead. They’d probably just figure I was really tired or hung over.

I could probably squeeze back in there if I really wanted to. Not sure…let’s see. Orc-skull-hording ghost lady = bad. Hot chick = good. Neverending stream of trolls = bad. Invisible = good. Really cloudy = bad.

Looks like there are more bads than goods. That’s a shame. So long, afterlife! I doubt I’ll be going through that ever again.

I'm okay! Except now I have no bones

Hey Azeroth: I’m back! Even death can’t stop the amazing Walletman the Wise. Gross, are those my bones?? NOO the skull-hording lady got to my body first! I feel okay (pretty bone-filled if you ask me) but that’s definitely my skeleton down there. Will wonders never cease?

This troll doesn't remember trying to trick me

He looked a little too excited when he saw I was carrying around shiny pebbles, and snatched them out of my hands. I guess this was some sort of scavenger hunt, because I got a piece of paper with a few cheap wooden prizes (and the promise that better prizes were coming later).

He gave me a cheesy prize to make me forget that I was mad. It worked!

He used a lot of hype, so I’m assuming it’s not worth too much. “Walletman, this will change your life! Drop this totem down and the party has started! You’ll get chicks and super strength!” Uh huh. I’ll believe it when I see it, mister.

This little statue makes me even tougher...with magic

So I stuck the thing into the ground…turns out that little statue was worth all that trouble. Sure, I didn’t get more chicks (it would be pretty hard to tell if I was getting more considering I get so much attention anyway) but I did feel stronger. Strong enough to take on the world! I would’ve started punching the ground right then, but it looked too rocky and big. Nah, I’ll beat up the world later. Right now it’s time to find some worthy opponents.

Life is easier! A little TOO easy, to be honest

Things are AWESOME now. As you can see, my strength has been enhanced and I’m lasting longer in combat. I even think my club has grown bigger. Such quick results with a single application of a totem! I feel…a little overpowered. Come to think of it, these boars aren’t as menacing as I remember them. Maybe it’s my old age, but I’m starting to think this whole place is below me.

That’s right! I’m moving on from this dump onto bigger and better things.

It's time to leave the nest

Okay, I’ll miss this place a little. How many countless naps were taken under the shade of tall standing rocks? Not enough! How many orcs were shown up by my incredible manliness? Too many! How many dates did I go on? None! I mean thousands.

And what about all those battles? I won’t be nearly prepared enough for what awaits outside my familiar home. What if the monsters out there are TOO tough for me? Hey, what am I saying? I can take on any challenge – the tougher the better. Bring it on!

Everything's so different out here

WHOA. Look how different everything is now. That boar looks way darker than the boars I grew up around. I hope I can adjust to this wildly new area.

AAAHHH! He’s getting closer! Don’t hurt me!!

Don't eat me!

I guess I was wrong. He’s just curious about who I am. I can understand that. This place is pretty well hidden; I bet he hasn’t seen an orc in tens of years. Lucky for him I turned up! What if some ugly troll came running up instead? He’d probably assume everyone had mutated via the ugly stick, and started crushing villages trying to end the world’s suffering.

Looking back, I should stop assuming that anything is going to attack me…forget that! There’s no such thing as being too careful. And by careful, I mean flying head-first into battle when you don’t know what you’re up against.

He's friendly? But he's so huge and made out of rocks...

I thought he was tough, but it looks like the only thing he’s ready to smack down is a to-do list. Hah!

Working for a towering mass of shiny granite does has its obvious perks. The only work he’ll have for me is unfinished business…and what sort of work can’t he do on his own? Super epic awesome work. I bet he’ll give ol’ Walletman a quest to take down some rock monster bully who’s been picking on him. Lay it on me, big man. I can solve your problems.

Uh, size DOES matter

Check it out, he’s only “minor”! I could have ended up with a major manifestation, or a majorly angry manifestation. Good thing I didn’t get more concentrated troll funk in that drink.

You gotta admit, he’s got good penmanship for something with such clunky fingers. Oh, dang. He’s totally patronizing me. “Be patient” – I don’t have time to learn how to be patient! “Seek wisdom” – uh, hello? Already did that a few weeks ago. Whatever. I’m stuck helping this excuse for a towering colossus, so I might as well take up his awesome quest and ignore the attitude.

He gave me his quartz. It's small and rough

“Take my quartz, Walletman. It’s small and you might lose it. Hold onto it tight, okay?” Hmph. That’s not epic at all! At least give me your right arm or something. If this is some sort of reward for finding you, I’d rather bring back a magical boulder. Geeze, the bigger the better, am I right?

At least I’m helping. This giant rock man won’t have to worry about his quartz making it into the right hands…heh heh.

This is my first official discovery

I followed the path for like hours, and finally made it to a giant carved monument. That’s where the hidden path ended. Since I discovered it now, they should rename this place to “Awesome Path – Discovered by Walletman”. Whoever found it last left a giant blue rock laying around. I bet they stuck it there so the path would be easy to find. Psh! If that worked, this place wouldn’t be called “Hidden Path”, now would it?

Someone left a giant rock just laying around.

Oh, I forgot why I was up here. The shaman troll gave me some secret frosty cool beverage to chug when I made it to that blue rock. I was going to ask what it was but…it’s a free drink. Walletman can’t say no to free drinks. Or free food.

Bottoms up!

It tasted pretty nasty, but I didn’t pay for it. Hah! Yuck. Seriously, this troll probably just poured some sweat into that cup for all I know.

Daaang…I’m seein’ through time now. My hands are moving and I’ve never noticed how amazing they look. They’re like a face, but the face keeps sloshing around and…um…everything’s dark…

Whoa, what was in that?

Owww…I think I passed out. Dude, is that a monster made out of rocks? I must be seeing things still. That’s the last time I drink something a troll gave me.

This is a bad trip...to the hidden path. I should leave this area hidden

Maybe I’m not hallucinating. He seems pretty realistic for my imagination. Now, it is possible that my imagination is just that powerful, but I would probably come up with something with racing stripes or flames.

Well, yeah he does have flames drawn on his wrists. And coming out his eyes. But I’m talkin’ intense flames painted everywhere. He’s a giant rock man…why isn’t he flaunting his inner awesomeness?

He's as big as that blue rock! I bet it's his wife. Hah!

Nothing good could come of this. I don’t remember getting along with any giant rock men in the past, and there’s probably a good reason. That stupid troll set me up. It could be his way of hazing new shamans, but I bet he was just jealous of my obviously strong magical powers. You don’t see him shooting lightning from his fists.

Hey, foreman. He's right behind you! Do your own work.

Look, he’s standing right next to a sleeping peon, and he’s not going over there to wake him up.

He wants me to work for him again? Hah! I knew it! All those times I heard about “work ethic” was just a show for the other guys. Whoa whoa. Hold it, he wants me to hit the peons with a stick? I could become everything I hated most from my previous life. On the other hand, hitting things with a stick…

Count me in!

He looks so peaceful...time to wake up!

I feel like a kid in a candy store. All my old friends were going to get whacked on the head by my dull weapon. Sweet sweet revenge against anyone who out-lazied me in the past. Now no one can be as lazy as I was! HA HA.

I whipped him into shape!

It’s nice to know they still remember my name…not like I’ll be any less brutal with the club if they try to kiss up. That’s right, I’m in charge! You shall all fear me, for I am a sleep-destroying orc clubber.

Work peon, work! You're not chopping fast enough.

Cut down that lumber, mister! Or…what are you supposed to be doing? I think he’s just cutting down the side of that cliff. With an axe.

Looking at my old job from this side of the wakeup-stick makes the work look a lot LAMER than I thought it was. Sure I slept a lot, but the work seemed like fun at the time. “Cutting that down” and “collecting those materials” were a great way to get into shape (when I got around to it), but it seems so stupid now.

Getting skipped over for a promotion can be hard on morale

My buddies aren’t too thrilled about my promotion. I earned my position in “Waker Upper Management” (ha ha), and they’ll just have to get used to that. Walletman is a hero! A hero in efficiency. We’ll…boost production levels…ughhh what am I saying? I got out of here so I wouldn’t become that guy. Thazzril-dazzle can keep his shiny promotion for the next level four orc that walks by.

"You'll make a fine junior executive"

I played his little game, but the Foreman is still really snarky. “Hey there lazy! Did you wake your lazy friends up? Rah rah rah.” Good thing I’m not sticking around here. I’ve got heroic deeds to accomplish!