The Epic “Find the Dead Boars” Quest

Well, this sucks. I figured I was the only one with this big idea. I mean, how many people would have such a huge revelation? See for yourself:

Man, this guy was pretty popular

Man, this guy was pretty popular

But I really want to better myself, you know? It’s important for an orc to find his place in the world as a warrior and as a gentleman. So after pushing those losers aside, I got to the meat of the assignment. Boar meat, that is! Ha ha ha ha.

Gornak was all “dude, find some dead boars and let me know they’re dead…’cause I hate boars. I’m so crazy!” I think that’s what he said, but it was hard to hear over all that commotion. Man, I used to think those guys were cool.

Look, a dead boar! That counts, right?

Look, a dead boar! His mouth is wide open

I got away before Gornak could bore me with details about whatever he wanted me to do, and started on my epic quest to find dead boars. There’s one! Chalk one up for Walletman. I’m feeling experienced already!

He's doing all the work for me! What luck!

He's probably doing the killing for me! Hooray!

This troll was kind enough to kill one of those live boars in front of me. Now it’s a dead boar, and now I can count it! Walletman 2, not-dead boars 0.

Here's me, letting him know I finished all that hard work

Here's me, letting Gornak know I finished all that hard work

Check me out. I totally finished that quest. Anyway, I told him what that crowd was telling him earlier: “Yo dude.”

And he was all: “So do you have it?”

That was pretty awesome. I felt like part of the group. It’s that close feeling, like my shirt to my belly. Crap, my shirt’s not even covering my belly. Look at it! I look like I can’t afford a real shirt. I can’t, but I always figured I was able to hide it pretty well…I hope no one thinks I’m a slut.

Why didn't he tell me *I* had to kill the boars?

Why didn't he tell me *I* had to kill the boars?

Gornak was pretty pissed. Apparently, I DIDN’T have it. He was confused and old before, and I think he said the wrong thing. Sure, he claims to have written it down for me on paper, but I didn’t see him writing anything!

Anyway, he filled me in on a few “shamanistic” secrets. Since I’m working for the team now, I can kill beasts with my hands. “What? I thought I could rip ’em in half like a phone book before!” I said. “No way, you can shoot lightning and stuff from your hand!” he said.

That did sound pretty rock ‘n’ roll, so I went back out and…

Zap! Those fingertips of mine are pretty powerful

Zap! Those fingertips of mine are pretty powerful

ZAP! I didn’t know I could do that! Stuff like that they just don’t teach in grade school. At least I don’t think they do. I never went back to school after the first grade – all that sitting in one place learning about “Don’t do deals with demons”. Well, you know what? I met a demon once. He was pretty cool, and I traded him fifty bucks for…wait a second…he never gave me that…NOOOOOO!!!

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~ by morscata12 on March 4, 2009.

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