Goodbye Dress, Hello Pants!

One of the reasons I got into this gig in the first place was to find new clothes. No one seems to take me seriously when I’m wearing this dress. It’s an obvious chick-repellent, even taking into account my super awesome lightning hands:

I wish I had some manly pants to go with my rugged good looks...

I look like a sissy boy!

Boy was I glad when something unexpected dropped off one of those boars. I was beginning to worry about my self esteem. Seriously, self esteem is like your number one attribute. I know a lot of people worry about their strength or their intellect, and “self esteem” does seem a little wishy-washy, but it’s like my uncle always said:

The king of the orcs didn’t become king with low self esteem.

My uncle was kind of a sissy, but at least he knew a lot about kings and stuff.

Check it out! Phat loot totally dropped

Check it out! Phat loot totally dropped

So after I totally killed a super-strong boar with nothing but my bare hands (yeah, I’m a tough guy now), I found out his secret…he was wearing pants that whole time!

Leather pants, too. That would make him a half-cow, half-hog hybrid. Some scary stuff, huh! Taurens are weird enough…they’re like half-people, half-cow. And all the wrong halves too. Ha! Although…

I didn't notice any pants on him before

I didn't notice any pants on him before

I didn’t notice ANY pants on that boar when I was fighting him. Maybe I’m just not paying attention to what I’m doing (seems fairly likely). Anyway, I could use those pants. They’d make me look much more manly – everyone can take a moment to gasp and wonder how I could be any more manly.

Where the heck are you supposed to change around here?

Where the heck are you supposed to change around here?

Still, I have huge issues with getting half-naked outdoors. I’m supposed to be a hero, and that’s no time to be standing around in my undies. Can you imagine any hero with their underwear showing? That’d be ridiculous!

This peon wasn't a total perv

This peon wasn't a total perv

I found a pretty good nook out of the view of the general public. After shooing away the remaining townsfolk, I tried to quickly change into my new gear. Unfortunately, I tripped over the pant legs and got a face full of rocks. Ouch! Hopefully they’ll leave some wicked scars, like I got into some sort of bar fight. Or I was facing some demon who was threatening the entire world!

Check me out!

Check me out!

But check me out now! I look pretty freaking awesome, right? I mean, those are some nice pants. And you know what? I earned those pants. First thing in my life I’ve really earned, and I did it shooting electricity at wild pigs. Feeling accomplished…I guess I’ll kill the rest of these boars and sleep for the rest of the day. Being a hero is tiring work!

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~ by morscata12 on March 11, 2009.

2 Responses to “Goodbye Dress, Hello Pants!”

  1. Whooo — I was afraid you were serious for a minute

    • I wrote the title right after writing the piece, and realized much later that it sounds extremely different out of context 🙂

      Hope you enjoyed this week’s installment! Walletman updates weekly on Wednesdays.

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