My Problem with Trolls

I thought I was pretty open minded. Like, everyone seems pretty equal, you know? There are man orcs, woman orcs, orcs with green skin, and orcs with blue-green skin. But that never bothered me. Ladies are a necessary part of life – how will I get hot dates if there were only man orcs? But then I realized that Durotar was overpopulated with gross disgusting…

Their skin is much more blue than mine!

LOOK. Gross, right?

…trolls. There’s something about that non-green skin that gives me the jeebies. Take this one, for example. He’s blue! I wasn’t expecting some tall blue freak, so he totally startled me. I was all “baah!”, but I think he was dozing off.

Might as well take a closer look while he’s not paying attention. Hmm, way too skinny. They’re not ripped like Walletman at all. Not that everyone should be as buff as me – that would be confusing. Still, work out a little, guys!

They're so different from me

They're so different from me

Man, they’ve got massive teeth. We orcs barely have teeth at all! I was chewing on something a while back, and probably half my teeth came out with whatever it was that was in my mouth. I think it was a rock, or maybe a boar leg.

If I was a troll, I’d be terrified to bite into any sort of rock. What if my huge tooth flipped up and caught me in the eye? I’d be blind! A blind ugly troll. The blind part would cancel out the ugly part, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.

I bet makeouts are pretty tough with those crazy teeth.

Trolls are EVERYWHERE

Trolls are EVERYWHERE

Their hair is different and scary. My hair is amazing; it looks good all the time. I don’t need to tell you that, but it’s important to remember. This guy has frizzy gross hair, and it’s purple. Purple? What planet are you from, or are you some sort of flower?

Then I noticed that those trolls were all over the place. Look! Three in a row! That’s a lot of trolls…I wonder if they’re going to become a problem? I should let people know that this could get out of hand.

This guy is pissed

Ken'jai is pissed. He's one pissed off troll

I was going to spread the word about these weirdos, but this troll trainer stopped me. I let him know how I felt:

Your people scare me, Ken Jai! Why so gross?

He gave me the evil eye from both sides, and handed me my first piece of hatemail.

Ken'jai gave me some hate mail

Ken'jai gave me some hate mail

Psh, he’s got his picture pasted on the front, and look how neat he writes. It’s probably just a pamphlet! Ken Jai must hand this stuff out all the time; maybe he didn’t mean anything by it. “Don’t mess with us or we’ll cut you up” is his message. Huh…

To be honest, that is a little scary. I bet he’d take an axe to my new pants and start tearing holes in them. I’d be all “hey, those are new!” and he would just give me evil eyes and laugh and laugh and Trollolololo and…

AAAARGH! I don’t know if I can take it! Hey, what’s that over there?

Check out this weird mutant double troll...

Check out this weird mutant double troll...

Ha ha ha! Look at that mutated troll! He must be a conjoined twin or something. I bet it’d be easier to fight that way, plus I bet he gets to go on two dates at a time. Even with the “having teeth” and the no-abs issues.

If that troll can get a date with two hotties at once, maybe trolls aren’t so bad after all. I guess I learned something new today! I must be growing. Hey, wait a minute. When did that happen…?

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~ by morscata12 on March 18, 2009.

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