I’m Getting Older…Give Me Free Food!

I’m older! Or at least I think that’s what the floating picture of my ridiculously handsome head is telling me. Yep, I hit Level 2 and I didn’t even notice! I guess that’s what happens when you’re so busy being a totally kickin’ hero type. Right?

Im getting older...


Getting older isn’t so bad, I guess. But what’s weird is I didn’t get any older when I was slacking off. Everyone kept saying “Walletman, you’ll sleep your life away! I’m an old cranky geezer! Wah wah wah”. And I guess they were wrong – you only get older if you work hard and whatever.

So this “self improvement” gig is just making me old. I guess this is what I wanted…to be treated with respect by my pals and not-so-pals. Hooray?

XP means I am aging

XP means I am aging

Does my face seem wrinklier to you? Man, I shouldn’t think about that now. After all, birthdays are a celebration of the birthday boy – and that’s me! So you should all celebrate me and the great wonderful gift of my presence and such. I should post fliers about my accomplishment. Big floating…

OH, that reminds me. Floating purple text creeps me out to no end. It pops up and just hangs there in midair every time I finish off some dangerous bad guy (like those shifty-eyed boars…part of the boar conspiracy).

Before I decided to change my life, I never had so many boxes and bars floating around me before. It’s creeping me out! WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME, BOXES?

Here's what aging feels like

Here's what aging feels like

Someone told me that purple text lets you know you’re getting older, but I think aging looks more like THAT. Painful, but filled with awesome special effects. And bleeding out the ears. Yuck, I can do without that part.

I am aging gracefully, as far as I can tell

I am aging gracefully, as far as I can tell

Here’s me, looking at my a dead boar. Sitting quietly and looking at something means you’re mature. Mom always got mad if I wasn’t behaving, and one time she let me in on that secret to maturity. So since I’m trying to be more mature (obviously so I’ll attract more hot ladies), I guess I have to start spending some of my precious napping time sitting quietly looking at something. Maybe that “something” will be a bowl of fried boar meat! Mmmm…

Galgar the chef

Galgar the chef

All that talk about food made me hungry. Time to eat!

Since I’m older and wiser, the chef will finally talk to me now. When I was younger – like yesterday – Galgar never felt like cooking for me. I guess it’s time to cash in on those sweet sweet rewards of being totally ancient and geezerly.



Man, he totally thinks I’m mature! He’s all “Hey, Walletman. You’re looking mature today! I want to make you food…for free! It’s all for you, man.” I couldn’t believe it! What a lucky break turning two! Hopefully this isn’t just one of those “it’s your birthday let’s treat you nice now, but then we’ll give you wet willies when you’re sleeping” things…

These apples were dipped in glitter

These apples were dipped in glitter

All I had to do was pick up some apples for him off these apple trees I’ve never seen before. They’re really easy to find now that they’re covered in glitter. It’s weird, every boar I killed was covered in glitter too. Maybe the dead boars came by and rubbed up against these bushes.

Does eating sparkly food make me less manly? I mean, I know there’s absolutely nothing I could do to make myself less manly – but what if this sparkly glitter girly food makes me look like a pansy? Hmm, it’s something to consider before I start chowing down.

Still, it is free food. Walletman never turns down a free meal!

My psychic powers grab cactus apples

My psychic powers grab cactus apples

I guess I have some telekinesis powers now. That means I can move apples with my brain rays. *Pshhhewwww kerrrshhh* and just like that, I have an apple floating in a freaky box…with an AWESOME SKULL on it! Dang, I want that skull tattoed on my arm! On both my arms!!


~ by morscata12 on March 25, 2009.

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