I Think I Met My Dream Girl

I’ve got important news: I’m in love.

I was chowing down on my Cactus Apple Surprises (yeah, I ate all ten…what about it?) and looked up and I saw her. What a babe! She’s perfect for me too – she’s a female orc with pointy teeth and a body that just won’t quit. Instant chemistry.

I met my dream girl

I met my dream girl

Since I’m not some over-emotional wah-wah baby, I decided to go chat her up. Walletman is great at conversationing up the hot babes. And the moment I start taking, she instantly falls for my charms.

Obviously.

She's got a lot to teach me...about lovin'!

She's got a lot to teach me...about lovin'!

Look how obvious her come-ons are! She’s going on and on with lines like “I can teach you all sorts of things, Walletman. You’re so dreamy, let me train you all night.” Seems like I’m dealing with quite the frisky female, let me tell you. She was ready to “teach” me, until…

Love comes at a price, but I can't afford that...

Love comes at a price, but I can't afford that...

She found out I was broke! How embarrassing…my looks surpassed my bank account. She must’ve assumed I was well-to-do because of my name. I get it: “Why are you named ‘Walletman’ if you’re broke all the time?” It’s obvious – I fold really easily. Like a wallet. At least I think that’s what my name means. Either that or “feels leathery and looks all worn out around the edges”.

Seriously though, I need to come up with some money…and fast! I can’t ask my friends for money, because they’ve learned THAT lesson long ago. Ha ha! Walletman is no good for debts.

This guy will buy all my useless junk

This helpful orc will give me cash for items

Lucky for me, this guy flagged me down. He seemed kinda shifty…has he been eyeing my backpack? But he reassured me that he’ll be able to turn around the stuff I give him for a profit. Or that he was connected to the black market. Or he just really needed the exact items that I was carrying around. Not like I need to know what he wants my ruined pelts for anyway. Just gimme the dough!

There goes my hard-earned loot. Oh well.

There goes my hard-earned loot. Oh well.

He gave me a ton of money for those boar pelts, and for their long pointy teeth. I was going to use those teeth for an incredibly insensitive portrayal of what I think about trolls, but that can wait.

He even bought my used dress. Ewwww…now I really don’t want to know what he’s up to.

She's teaching me all sorts of things!

Work it!

So I go to pick her up for our date, and apparently she can’t contain her lusty feelings for me. Whoa baby, not in public! I do feel like I’ve learned a lot from her already, and we’ve barely started going out. Score.

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~ by morscata12 on April 1, 2009.

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