Dueling – A Threat to Us All

There’s a threat in our hometown that won’t go away, even if we ignore it. Ignoring problems and threats usually works out just fine for me, but not this time. No, we all need to take action against this menacing lifestyle choice the kids call “dueling”.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, “But Walletman, dueling seems like harmless fun!” Harmless to the winner, but the loser ends up getting dumped by his girlfriend and having all the orcs laugh at him for hours. Does that sound harmless to you? No.

A friendly dance competition

A friendly dance competition. As you can see, I am winning

My experience with dueling started out with an innocent dance-off. As far as I knew, dancing was the in thing to do. But it’s not! Nowadays kids seem to want a little danger in their lives. A little too much danger. When will those young people learn?!

Okay, I know the guy was older than me. Three levels older, to be totally honest. But…those kids! They’re the real threat here.

Check out his secret flag

That orc must have big pants to carry THAT flag around

He whips this huge dueling flag out from the front of his pants. I think he had it in there the whole time (he looked unnaturally bulgy). Psh, like the ladies will fall for that. I never need to emphasize my natural assets, and the chicks can totally tell.

So this manly display of flag planting means he’s calling me out for a “duel”. To the outside observer, I was obviously going to win. I’ve got tough skin, a battlehardened spirit, and a skull-encrusted mind! There’s no way I can lose!

I got in one lucky hit

I hit him from like a mile away

So the dueling starts out as I would expect. Thanks to my amazing skills, I manage to crack him in the back from a few feet away. Check that out! I guess it’s my telekinetic powers kicking in again.

My health!

Oww...I didn't think I could lose so hard

Then things took a turn for the worse. And he started hitting me really hard for no good reason. He was strong for a level 5 geezer! Obviously there was some sort of trick involved. How could a level 2 strong-man like myself be defeated in battle…at all?!

Hey...I lost...

WHY??!?

I was pretty shook up about the whole thing. There’s a picture of me crying. Hey, it’s manly to cry. It’s even manly if you start sobbing and begging for mercy, so long as you do it without looking like a pansy.

My ladyfriend was so hot-and-bothered by the new guy that she dumps me on the spot. That’s a little extreme, right? Here we are, finishing the first week of our obviously intense relationship, and she goes and dumps me for the first “dueling” guy she can find. Her loss, I guess.

No I mean it was my loss. Man, she was a hottie…but I guess all sluts are. Burn!

Victory dances all around, except for me

This time, the dancing isn't in my favor. Rats!

And this jerk starts the dance competition again! This time, I’m too sore to dance properly, so I lose that too. What will I do now??

So you see what a grave threat this all is. I hope you’ll do the right thing and beat up anyone that asks you to “duel” with them. That’ll teach ’em!

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~ by morscata12 on April 8, 2009.

2 Responses to “Dueling – A Threat to Us All”

  1. Geesh walletman! What were you thinking? A lvl 5? You’ve got to watch out for those older lvl. guys. A hard lesson to learn at such a young lvl. *sigh*

    • What happened to the old equation “old=feeble”? I feel like I’ve been tricked somehow…

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