My Personal Battle Against Ugly Monsters

When I got back from my trek to the north, there were a lot of shocked orcs. My news of a crazed, violent species of ugly creatures brought fear and anxiety! That’s right, I made people afraid. Obviously, I’m one intimidating guy.

Some orcs were really intimidated by my news. I’ve never seen such a display of emotion before. Dude, calm down, it’s just me, Walletman!

This guy was shocked by my news. REALLY shocked.

This guy was shocked by my news. REALLY shocked.

Unfortunately, due to all the fear, no one wanted to help me. I tried talking to anyone standing around, but did anyone take action? NO. Geeze, that new threat isn’t going to kill itself, you know?

I started intimidating myself at that point…imagining floods of Vile Familiars invading my hometown. Not like I give two shakes about my hometown (it’s REALLY boring here), but I can’t imagine how I’ll have any me-time if my town is under attack by sweaty monsters.

This chick offered me a club

Here's someone who took some initiative...sort of

Finally, someone with some sense! Although she was equally shocked as the rest of these wimps (psh, just standing around doing nothing), she took matters into her own hands. Now that’s a female who I can relate to. I’m totally a take-charge guy, and she’s like a take-charge lady. I bet she’s totally swooning over my manly charms.

So this tough chick offers to give me a brand new weapon if I take this threat out myself. I know she wanted to do it herself, but being a lady, I’m not too surprised. And hey, I’d love a new weapon, thanks. I don’t know why she didn’t give me the new weapon first. If this was such an important job, I should be using the best tools available. Oh well.

An explosive battle between foes

An explosive battle

So I went back north to fight. I’m getting used to their ugly little faces – getting used to clubbing them, that is! Ha ha.

These guys are no match for a good shove

These guys are no match for a good shove

And soon, I had wiped out the entire threat. No seriously, it was pretty easy! I was sure that I would be fighting for weeks straight, considering how many there were. Come to think of it, there were just as many when I left, and they all looked pretty angry…probably more angry after I killed ten of their friends.

Huh, I don’t get it. She told me to totally eradicate the threat, but only told me to kill ten of these munchkins. I mean, I don’t want to do more work than I have to…but what about all those other guys? Oh well, I shouldn’t do more work than I have to.

Zureetha arms me with powerful weapons

Zureetha thinks I did a fine job

Zureetha handed me a flier with a list of weapons I could pick. Obviously, she was totally into me (she gave me a note with her name written on the top and her picture attached), but I’m just not looking for love anymore. Nope, not me.

So I picked the Hand Blade. That sounds pretty sweet, right? I wonder if it’s made out of hands or fingers…or bones. But then she’s all “Walletman, you’re not smart enough to use a Hand Blade. Just pick the club. You’re a big dummy and you just like clubbing things”. OUCH. On the other hand, I do like clubbing things.

Here's my new club!

Hey, that weapon looks pretty awesome

So I grabbed the club and walked off. I was pretty pissed off…for about FIVE SECONDS. Do you see how awesome that weapon is? It fits in my hand perfectly – I’ve got extra large hands, so it’s always a surprise. Plus, it’s heavier than the metal one I had (go figure), so I’ll be able to smash in faces even faster than before. Look out everyone, I’ve got a new weapon!

I’ve added three extra pictures on the official Walletman Facebook page. If you’re looking for more adventure, I’d add that page to your Book of Faces if I were you.


~ by morscata12 on April 22, 2009.

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