Would You Deny a Dying Wish?

I’ve done some dangerous things in my day. My day is still going on, you know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I still do a lot of dangerous things. Walletman isn’t a wuss, regardless of some choices he’s made! Just look at me standing on that fire! Pretty heroic, right?

Here's me on a fire. Hardcore!

Here's me on a fire. Hardcore!

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “But Walletman, everyone can stand on a fire with the right equipment and gear!”. I didn’t need gear (not even shoes) – check out my bare feet standing on those spikes above the fire.

My awesome cactus dash

I frequently run into cactus with no shirt on. Seriously

And I totally did a shirtless cactus dash. If you can’t imagine what I’m talking about because thinking about Walletman shirtless is too distracting, I’ll break it down for you. That’s when I run into a giant cactus patch with NO SHIRT. Ouch! If that’s not brave, I don’t know what is.

Why am I doing all these feats of amazing bravery and danger? Although I really am that awesome, I might just be overcompensating for wussing out on something that should’ve been easy.

This dying troll has a quest

This dying troll wasn't very funny

So I ran across this hurt troll. Normally, this would be a great reason to throw a party. But he looks like he’s dying…and he’s really surprised about the whole thing. Most people would walk by and completely miss the giant exclamation point floating above his head. Some might say “I can’t help him because it doesn’t look yellow to me” or “I already helped him”. Heartless! He needs help, guys.

See! It didn’t start out badly.

A dying troll's dying wish

A dying troll's dying wish

Even though he’s a step away from the great beyond (possibly the greatest beyond), he starts babbling on and on about how he got into such a “critical condition”. Of course, he doesn’t really seem to care about me getting him medical help. If I was dyin’, I’d want to be taken care of by doctors and nurses right away – females (of course). Some of them would start to fall for my charms (of course) and I would have to deny them my sweet tender loving.

He lets me know his dying wish: “Avenge my death! You’ll have to kill Sarkoth, the scorpid that did this to me.” Personally, I don’t know what sort of bug would name himself. And why name yourself “Sarkoth”? Get a cooler name, like “The Poker” or “Stingles”.

Wait, what? That monster was the one who put you into this condition. Why would I want to hunt him down? I might end up lazing around dying too! And Walletman doesn’t want to go down…not like that. Not without dozens of sexy nurses waiting on my every need.

They're even mean when they're dead

These guys look mean even when they're dead

Even though it’s risky and dangerous (see above) I decided to give it a shot. I mean, it’s his dying wish. Shouldn’t be too hard to find a scorpid to kill here – they’re everywhere. Just over here though…I never saw these things before. No wonder that troll is dyin’. Hey, if you don’t want to get stung, you shouldn’t be hanging around Scorpid Town, buddy.

I crushed a few without blinking. That’s right, open-eye combat. Then I realize. There are a little TOO many scorpids. Sarkoth must have sent all his minions to stop me!! I must be close, because I see scorpids clawing over the dead bodies of their former allies to get to me. Creepy. They look horrifying even when they’re dead.

Poisoned? They can do that??

Poisoned? They can do that??

Even though I was on top of my game, I got careless and a stinger flew in and stabbed me in the chest. I think that’s what happened…I didn’t really notice. I imagine it was super painful (and would have stopped a regular orc), because I was covered with green stink clouds. At first I thought it was something I ate. But then I felt like I was dying. AAHHHHH I’m going to end up like that loser troll! I crushed the little bug and took a second to reconsider this “vengeance” gig. It wasn’t vengeance for something that happened to me; why should I risk my life to grant it to some lanky ugly troll?

I bet Sarkoth is filled with 100x stronger venom/poison than his cheesy minions. If I went up against him, I’d be deader than Hanazua.

No dying wish for you, Hanazua

No dying wish for you, Hanazua

When I got back, Hanazua seemed pretty optimistic for some guy on his way out. He scrawled out a note with those optimistic thoughts, along with a pretty accurate picture of the claw he was hoping I’d bring him.

Um, except I didn’t bring him that claw. This mission seemed like a suicide one…a suicide mission that would end in death for me. He won’t notice, right?

So long, Hanazua

Maybe later, Hanazua

He looks pretty comfortable there. Maybe some other fool try to take that scorpid down. And maybe I’ll come back when I’m stronger.

Plus, there are a few more feats of masculinity that I should finish up first.


~ by morscata12 on April 29, 2009.

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